Back in SG

Came back to SG on the 8th of Jan... the purpose of the trip is to:
1) attend sis-in-law's wedding dinners (she has one in SG and another in KL)
2) visit my grandma (who is already 94) in Humen and my brother in HK
3) join in the CNY festivities with families
4) attend JC classmate's wedding at the end of Feb

Will be leaving for Melb on the 5th of Mar though Wilk will leave earlier on the 22th of Feb because term's starting. So this will be a pretty long visit. Thankfully, i managed to get my five year RRV (no tears, no drama, just a very simple letter) without clocking the full two years required. Hence, i can come back with a peace of mind (as oppose to having just a 3mth RRV).

So how does it feels to be back?

Somethings have run through my mind... and in no particular order:

a) The weather & my nose
First thing that struck me when we returned was the humidity. It was pretty bad for the first two days but things became better after it started to rain (and our bodies adjusted). Unfortunately, my nose has also recognized that it is back in SG and my sinus is acting up again. The drier air in Melb has sort of put my nose into hibernation. I hardly sneeze there and was actually enjoying my freedom from not having to wipe my snot with boxes of tissues. The minute i am back... it could be the air, it could be the abrupt changes in temp (aircon room vs non-aircon), whatever it is, i am sneezing like there's no tomorrow whenever i move from one room to another, pick up clothing, step into or out of the car..

And the sneezing makes my nose run... my head fuzzy... and in a short while, my throat parched, my nose red and achy, then the backdrip starts, my throat starts to go... AND if i don't take care of myself (give myself a few dose of Clarinese or something), i end up with yellowish mucous, phelgm and it will be worth a visit or two to the GP. Siggghhhh........ no amount of Vit C helps because this is just the type of nose i am borned with. Whenever i am sick, 90% of the time, starts from the nose.

b) Avery's routines and well-being
I don't think Avery knows the difference between Melb or SG though she obviously knew something is different. Now she is sleeping with me and Wilk, on a mattress beside my old bed in my old bedroom. The time difference initially caused abit of havoc but we try to follow her routines consistently so she has more or less adjusted. It took longer for me to adjust to having to deal with her without all my 'tools' and living out of a suitcase but after 1wk, we managed somewhat. The toughest thing right now is because we are all in the same bedroom (she had her own cot in another room back in Melb), she has taken to 'helping' herself to the milk dispenser (yours truly) as and when she like during the nights. It is getting hard for ME to put her to bed because all she wants to do is nurse to sleep lying next to me, and expecting my boobs to be right next to her whenever she wakes up.

I am wondering how on earth will i get her back to sleep in her own room etc after more than 2 mths of doing this. Wilk and I are toying with the idea of shifting her to my walk-in worerobe area (has a sliding down and own window) but i am abit worry she would be pulling everything out of their shelves etc or hurt herself. Sighhh... and now that she is feeling a little sick (cough, teething, sniffing, slight fever), we better keep her near to us. Doesn't help that alot of people around here are sick as well, including her grandpas (both of them), her dadi and now me...

c) Facing a 'foreign' culture
I am quite aware how 'negative' i seem to be now that i am back. So many things, which may not have bugged me before, is glaringly irritating to me now. I don't know why 1/2 a year makes such a difference but i suspect it is because the last 1/2 year i have been really taking things slow and gotten to enjoy my life in Melb and started to take certain things for granted there.

When i am back here now, i realized how 'out of touch' i am with driving. It is so AGGRESSIVE here! You know the article on the 10 worse driving habits of SG drivers published on last saturday's Weekend Today? Every Single Day, i will come across at least 4-5 examples of the list when i drive. People cutting in without signalling, being tailgated on the expressway(when i am already driving at the limit), getting honked (because i refused to move into a yellow box at the junction where other cars are still having the right of way), motorcyclist zigzagging like maniacs on the roads, cyclists veering into the middle of the lane without indication.... the list goes on and on.

If i didnt mind driving here before, now it vexes me to drive on the roads here. I cannot believe how 'pampered' i must have been by the traffic driving culture in Melb, for me to feel so negative about the driving conditions here. But it is true... sure, there are always some bad drivers but really, i lived in the city and most times, people give way when i signal, adhere to the yellow box rule, keep left unless overtaking... i could go on.. And what's the hurry?? Everyone is almost speeding even when there is a traffic jam. In Melb, when taking 40mins/45mins to get to a destination is considered 'near', i do not understand what's the mad rush when in 45mins, you could get from one end of the island to another (without speeding!).

It is not just the speeding but how people seems to be.. so inconsiderate. Just the other day at Ikea, where i was pleased to find that they have family/pram parking lots, i saw that two out of 4 cars parking in those designated lots have no business using those lots at all. One of the car was driven by a women in her late 30s with a boy who looked like he is 12 or 13. Now, this is a normal healthy boy who does not even required a car seat (much less a stroller) but the mother still blatantly park in the lot meant for families with infants or toddlers, who need to managed their shopping ontop of their child's strollers etc. Well, at least this woman had a child (tween is a more appropriate term) with her, the other car was worse. It was a big MPV, no child seat in sight, driven by this late 40s-early 50s uncle and his wife. They look fairly well-off (car was new) and there is no way that their kids are in toddlerhood nor were they grandparents with children. Two able-bodied adults who again, blatantly parked where they shouldn't, all for the convenience of being nearer to the entrance though there were ample parking just a few lots down. It was impossible that they did not know the purpose of the parking lot because the signs were big and clear. They did looked sort of shifty-eyed and guilty-faced when they saw that i was staring at them while tending to Avery in the car, but the wife just pulled the husband to walk faster to the entrance.

The thing is, there is NO penalty for parking in a family lot, unlike a handicapped lot. This is a case where civil mindedness and good faith comes into play and i am sorry to say, these just do not exist in abundance in this little red dot of a country. Most people looks to their own conveniences and interest first and foremost. Perhaps i am being overly critical... but not once, have i seen the same thing happening in Melb. Even young punks, with their flashy cars, do not park in designated family lots. At least I have never seen it. What's the chances that i will get to see TWO instances, at the same time, at the same place on a relatively quiet weekday afternoon? A friend said i should write to the forum to highlight the problem. But i guess, that's where the paradox lies, i am still behaving pretty much like a Sporean... minding my own business, and just complaining about it. After all, nothing will change right?... or will it?

d) Negativity
That's what wilk said... about my views. Perhaps i am only seeing the 'bad' light in things because i am not happy being in SG. I did think of the things i love about here... my family, friends.. the food, watching movies etc.. perhaps i am not doing enough of what i like about here to 'even things out'. But even then, i suspect it wouldnt make much of a difference because my 'needs' in those areas can still be satisfied to a certain extend in Melb. The pet grouse of people about Melb like not having late nite shopping or missing local food, never did bother me because i am not a shopper and learning to cook what we miss sort of makes up for not having the real thing. Family and friends, i am still keeping in touch with via skype, telephone, internet (wilk calls me the facebookie). I have also made some pretty nice friends in Melb. So... it is all these other things that jumps out at me... and i have to say, it is not pleasant. I hate to be the cliche Sporean (technically, i am not even one but this place has been my home for as long as i can remember) that flew off to another country and come back dissing everything back home. I don't want to stereotype and point fingers but when each day, through my casual interactions with the environment here, i end up frustrated and irritated at others' inconsideration, selfishness and lack of graciousness, i can't help but feel that there are less and less things to like about this place despite their claims to be No. 1 in alot of things. Just the other day, an advert on OKTO, which suggest that children with working parents should be happy for the companionship of a television channel, really strucks home the point that THIS is NOT how i wan't Avery to grow up. Is it me or can no one else see what's so freaking wrong with the advert?

I don't know... perhaps i will feel like i am getting more pleasure out of being in SG when i visit a few more friends and colleagues... or have a few plates of char kuey tiao and char tao kuey. But at this moment, i can say, i am looking forward to going back to Melb....

Things to remember

2009 came and gone.

I think i am getting old. I kept trying to remember this and that... but sometimes things just slipped through my head... as if my brains have holes in them.

For sometime now, i wanted to write down some things i wish to remember about my experience of bringing up Avery... or even things i tell myself to remember that i must try to do with her. I will try to recall them now, before i forget, and hopefully start 2010 with a more organized brain.

1) I always try to have Avery's experiences end positively. I remember there are things that used to make her cry or fearful. Like water going down her head. Or that weird vibrating toy. Or new changes to her routines. Sometimes it is so tempting to just avoid those things that makes her upset but my view on this is, if i make it a habit to constantly remove things that upset her from her environment, i may end up setting up a pattern which will progressively narrow her experiences. And i dont think i want that. So i try to turn negative things into more positive ones.

Most time, when she cry, i would try to calm her down first or distract her. I remember she started to resist bathing because of water on her head all of a sudden (she was quite okie before). This time round, she was crying so badly and just absolutely refused to sit in the tub. I had to hug her (even though i was getting wet myself) for a while before she stop crying and before i could distract her with something handy. Eventually, it took bubbles to get her calm and seated. And then bubbles get replaced by splashes and a longer waiting period between water on her head. Then after the bath is done, i makes sure she does something which i know she will enjoy... like watching pouring water or splashing in the tub. I think when she associate more of the good things with a not-so-good experience, she will learn to cope with them better. Another thing i've learnt, is not letting the crying escalate. Manage it before it gets full-blown. Distraction works sometimes, other times, it may take a cuddle. I dont think i am worried about 'giving in'. I think it is pretty hard to 'reason' with someone when they are all distraught, it is easier when they are calmer so that is my first priority.

2) Sometimes Avery doesn't like certain things, like eating yoghurt, or using a new straw, i feel that it is important to just keep trying (from time to time). I've learnt that having a routine helps when introducing new things, esp edibles to her. Breakfast is the designated 'new things' time because she is often chirpier when she wakes up (as oppose to times before her naps/sleep) and i dont have to worry about her going hungry by rejecting the food since she has a morning milk feed. If i have to start with her just looking at the new object (could be a new cup, a new straw, a new drink - like milk in a cup), that's what she will do. Intermittenly i will give it to her. If she doesn't want it, i will just put it away. I dont want to create too much negative attention to them and have the experience being tagged as negative for her.

More often than not, after a few sessions of this 'gentle' introduction, she starts to give the stuff a try. Of course, a lot of praises and smiling goes along with each 'successful' attempt (dont have to achieve any sort of proficiency). So far this way has been working out well.. that's how i got her to learn how to use a straw by 8 months and drinking from a cup now. Sure, she makes a mess of it if there are too much liquid in the cup but at least she is willing to use the cup and actually showed interest in using them. Once she has the idea and inclination, it is only a matter for her motor skills to be further refined.

3) Sleeping is one of those things which I had struggled with for a while. Avery seemed to have taken a long time before she would sleep through the night. And finally she did so when she turned 1yr old. In this aspect, i gave up my original aversion to using a pacifier for her. When i established that her crying in the night is more for comfort than anything else (i.e. hunger), i decided that she should just have a tutu next to her as and when she needs in the night. After two days of helping her find a tutu when she started to whine, she started to sleep through on her own. Again, i learnt not to let the crying escalate. Some kids can do the CIO method, but Avery unfortunately has the ability to upchuck everything in her stomach the moment she goes full-swing with her crying. Interestingly, her need to suck on the tutu as reduced over the last 2-3 weeks. I think now that she feels secure that there is something which offers her comfort, she no longer needs it as much.

4) I wish for Avery to be fearless when it comes to handling animals/insects etc. I think for her to be so, i will have to set that example. I think she is sort of getting that idea when she sees me handling animals naturally and matter-of-factly. I think it is cool if she has a natural curiousity for the natural world, even if they are creepy-crawlies. One of the things i reminded myself is that once she starts to walk and get mobile, she can go to a farm, park etc and touch and interact with anything she wants. I hope she will get to ride a horse, pet a goat, milk a cow, catch a beetle and touch a snake without fear.

Of course i think it is important to learn about safety and caution but i believe that these lessons can be learn as the child start to develop reasoning skills. Natural delight and curiousity and fearlessness are not lessons that are easy to teach a rational mind. I dont want to kill that childlike wonder by being too overly cautious when she is actively experiencing the world for the first time. And as a first time parent, it is so natural to just want to 'protect'... i really hope that i will remember not to rush into the 'protective' mode and learn to guide Avery in the way i envisage.

5) Must remember to do art and crafts with her!!! Of course Dadi will be a better person to do so. And i would so love to see what sort of things she will come up with. Wilk seems to think she is interested in music. Even though i am not for buying a piano (digital one la) because i am not so sure it justify the expense (since i am not that great a piano player myself), i wonder if perhaps she might enjoy it. She certainly seems like she did (20mins just banging on my friend's piano). She also enjoys tinkering on her xylophone and seems to have a ear for music. But when i think about it rationally, none of these behaviour are 100% indicative that she has some especial interest in music. Could be just want of those 5min thing that all kids do.

I am not incline to feel that my kiddo is 'gifted' in the musical area because she could do the first 3 'la la la' sort of in tune (there's actually a 'tune' and not just monotonous la las), goes to the ABC arch whenever i sing ABC, actually hit each of the xylophone bars individually with the stick (as oppose to running it up and down haphazardly) and pick and chooses the songs she likes to listen to on the iphone (right now, she likes the potty song and everybody song). I think i will still expose her to different music and all... but will just hold on the piano for the time being. Or perhaps i should just start to practise myself. Hmmm...

6) I have been pretty lax in any sort of actual 'learning'. I mean the book/flashcard-based learning. The other day, wilk just mentioned that we should do more since we are at home. The unfortunate thing is... i am really not good in teaching those things because, i am not quite that sort of 'repetitive' teaching sort of person. I get bored easily. I half suspect that if i am more diligent with it, Avery would get them pretty fast. After all, she got the animals on her playmat pretty quickly (she surprised me with a few which i didnt even knew she knew). And those i'd taught her in passing for a laugh (i was doing animal sounds for her which makes her laugh... alot). Hmm perhaps i am short-changing her because she is not going to appear very smart alongside her peers if all she could do is mooo like a silly cow, like her Mami.

I think... if she likes something, she will learn them in time so i am quite okie to just let things be as they are. Yes, we will probably still joke that she has lost a few IQ points from her falls off the bed but i think she is okie. Probably not a genius (or in the SG context, 'gifted') and if she is, great, bonus for us. But frankly, if it's a choice, i would rather she be street-smart and happy. There are alot of things which i hope she'd learn which are not taught in books, such as courage, kindness, gentleness, being loving, friendship, curiousity, sense of adventure, independence, empathy, humility... the list goes on. If she has all that... and end up with less 'formal' knowledge, i think i am okie with it. I will be heartbroken if she has learnt nothing of what i've listed but does well in all her exams.

Well.. that's what i want to remind myself so far.

We are only at year 1... 2010 will be our year 2 with Avery. I hope i remember some of these lessons i have learnt or aspired to do. Perhaps i will have more insights along the way and if so, let's hope i remember to write them down!

The kiddo turns 1!

What a year.

Avery is now 1 year old and it is hard to imagine it has already been a year since she came into our lives. My little gal has reached her first bday and i'm a mom for 1 year. I guess i could gush about how motherhood has been really great and all but the reality is... motherhood can be pretty daunting. Esp in the initial months when you are new to the job. I remembered nights when Avery would be cranky and not sleep (even these few days!), or times when she cried and we had no idea why. How about the times she rolled off the bed and scared the shit outta us? Or when she was sick and threw up each time we tried to give her medication? Oh oh.. and how can i forget the poo projectile incidents?

Yaps... motherhood, or for that matter, parenthood is no bed of roses. To that i would also like to add that i would not have survived if not for Wilk. I'd have to give Wilk full credit for being a full time PARENT alongside me... this is one guy that really threw his whole self into parenting his own child from the get-go. He was the first one to bath her when she came home from hospital, changed her diaper, bathe her, carried her to sleep, fixes her breakfast on days when i am concussed and troughs the internet for bargains toys to shop for her. Everything that i can do... so can he (save the breastfeeding and maybe cooking her meals - but he cooks for me so we square off on that). It is true that it is easier for him to do all these... be the equal parent, ever-present father, now that we are in Melb and he has the free time to do so.

BUT i believe there are lots of men out there, who may have the time, would rather do other stuff than do these 'chores'... some of which can be dreadfully messy (poopoo explosion comes to mind). Not Wilk though... he is the only person i feel confident in leaving Avery with if i have to leave the house, cos like me, he really knows all her quirks. I guess we are lucky that we could spend this whole year, both of us, to really get to know her. In that way, Melb has been good for us.. and good for the kiddo. Someday i hope she realize how lucky she is that her Dadi took brave step and decided to forgo the cushy comfortable life back in SG in exchange for a life in Melb where we have to make do with pre-loved toys, homemade bday cakes but tons of precious time with her.

And it was time well spent. Looking back at the whole year.. she has really grown. Of course, being parents, sometime we do worry if she is 'catching up' with her peers but most times we remember that she is doing the best that she can do and the most we can wish for is for her to grow happy and healthy. And that, i believe is what she has been doing so far. Can't say that she didnt have a difficult moments but i think all kids have those. But so far, we are thankful that she has been an amazing trooper and despite her grandparents' worries that she is too skinny, she has been remarkably blessed with minimal ailments and problems. On one hand, she drives us mad when she wakes up in the middle of the night and refused to sleep unless we carried her, but on the other hand, she made us laugh so hard with her cheeky grin and funny antics. I think in the early months of her arrival, i had missed the days when i wasn't a mother.. or gotten pregnant.. but looking back now, yes, i may still occasionally miss those 'carefree' days, i don't think i can quite imagine not having her in our lives.

She has changed me quite a bit... i remembered being quite the daredevil and was quite nonchalent about death and what nots. Now, sometimes i find myself fearing what will happen to her if something happens to me. I find myself wanting to take care of myself better.. perhaps do less risky stuff (no more parachuting?). Believe it or not, i even lost my taste for gory or violent movies. Weird eh. And i am really addicted to cuddling her and cuddles become even more enjoyable now that she cuddles right back! I love the rough-housing, the blowing of raspberries on her tummy, the tickles, the rolling around on the mat, asking her to show me 'tummy tummy' or 'give Mama tutu' and seeing her hanging on to her cot rails in the morning (she wakes us up with her babbling).

She is by no means a perfect kid... and for sure, i am not perfect mom, or Wilk, a perfect dad. But to me, we are the perfect family for each other. It's year 1 and really, i can hardly wait for year 2... 3... 4... I know every year, every day, there will be different challenges as we grow together but that basic wish for her will never change.

Avery... wishing that you will grow happy and healthy... always. You will always be Mami's dearest 颖熙 baby... :)

More weather updates

Melbourne seems to be summer-ish all of a sudden. Just when we were wondering when would spring arrive, it whizzed by and became blazingly hot. Perhaps 35 deg celsius is normal in SG and frankly, i heard it could get worse here in Melb (up to 40 even), but the last few days felt a little uncomfortably hot. All the fans are blasting now and though i have, very recently, found out that the central heating unit does cooling too, we are holding on to that as the last resort. I don't know.. i am pretty tempted to just switch it on but i guess, if we can get by with fans (barely), we should really try to be green and cut down on CO2 emissions.

The folks have left the week before last. And tomorrow, my youngest bro will arrive and stay for 10days or so. I know, everyone has been telling me how lucky i am to have so many visitors. It averages about 1 visit a month from someone back home. Next month, i will be seeing my good friend Angie and her family. I know i sort of complain about some visitors (hmmmm) but i do like having visitors. Esp people i enjoy having the company of. Hahaha. Guess they can say the same for me. I am not too good a company for some people i guess. Anyway, youngest bro has not seen Avery since CNY... so it will be good for the little bub to get to see her other QQ again.

Life's been steadfastly quiet, as usual. Aside for the bout of activities whenever people are here, our lives are pretty much non-eventful. Avery still has her weekly playgroup thing with a few other bubs but her life pretty much revolves around us (and the monthly visitors). To an extend that i am wondering if she is too 'closeted'. She has been quite clingy of late and terribly difficult to put down for her naps and sleeping at night. I am also wondering if she is teething. She still only have two teeth but she kept rubbing her gums. The pacifier seems to be back in full-force, esp at night but me and wilk are just too tired to fight it anymore. Guess whatever helps her to sleep. Main priority is still that she sleep well, eat/drink well and maintain a healthy growth development. People has been saying that she has lost weight. Well, i am seeing it as well. Though initially not as concerned (she is still really energetic and happy), but when enough people start to say the same thing, you get that nagging thought in your head, wondering if you are doing anything wrong. So, i've been adding a bit more protein, carbs etc into her diet. We will see how it goes.

Her first birthday is coming up and i've been fretting. I am not sure how quite to go about it. I think we will have a picnic but do we invite any guests? And if we do.. who? If we don't.. well, what sort of celebration would that be then? And if we have guests, what do we feed them with and can i cope? As it is, i am already wondering if i should bake something for her... like a cupcake. Hmmm... i have only 3 weeks to get everything ready. Wilk said that we shouldnt stress about it, i guess he is right but things dont just magically get done by itself. I wish i am a baking supermom like my friend phyl. Sigh.

I wonder if it will be quite paiseh if i invite friends for a picnic to celebrate Avery's birthday but tell them that it is a potluck. Hmmm... argh. It's crazy that i should think so much about this because it is only a baby's birthday. BUT it is the FIRST birthday. Ooooo... guess can't avoid it.. will have to come up with something soon. Perhaps a tea party in the park. Then no need to worry about food so much. Hmmm.. just bring drinks, some cakes... sing birthday song... blow candle... and then roll about in the grass? Suddenly, i don't feel so confident as a mom... like i am letting my kid down for being such a major cop-out. Compared to so many other mommies who bake their own cakes (2 tier somemore!), have helium balloons, rented ball-pit, catered food, invited friends and other little kids for a good time celebrating their darlings birthday.

I know rationally that i shouldn't compare or even feel bad because what others have, may not be what we need to have. But sometimes it is tough not to compare. It is easier when we are far away from all that, in another country. But on occasions like these, i again, felt that pinch of not being in absolute control (away from loved ones, close friends, financial freedom and convenience). I guess i am not as lassire-faire and heck-care as i would like to be.

Updates

Nothing much to update actually.

My folks are here and as usual, am trying to cope with my mom. That said, it was a little better than the last visit. Thank goodness for dad. I am still having problems not reacting to some of the comments that my mom makes but at least we have not triggered any explosions yet. And believe me, that in itself is an accomplisment, when you put my mom and i in the same place for long duration of time. Since young, she has always treated me a little differently from my brothers. Not that she will ever admit it of cos. She goes a little berserked when put on defensive.

Sometimes i wonder if my relationship with Avery will end up like me and my mom's. Not to say that we hate each other but it is a real problem with personalities clashing. There are so many things which i could write about which bits of our personalities clashes together but i dont think i want to share them. Sometimes writing it out makes it seems worse than it really is... and my mom is not a bad person. Just.... a little focused on herself.

I cant remember the no. of times i have asked Wilkie if i am like my mom... because i would like to believe that Avery and I are going to grow up differently from how it was for me and my own mom. My mom kept saying that she can't wait till Avery grows older then she can give me the same headache i give my mom. Hmmm... i think i will get some headache for sure.. but i am crossing my fingers that it wouldnt be the same because i have no wish to be like my mom, in certain aspects.

Well... on to more cheerful things..

Weather has be getting a tad warmer. Today it was a rather humid 28degC. The little bub has been growing up and getting to be quite vocal. However, my brother has commented that she seem to look slimmer. I guess she has lost abit of chubbiness (not like she was ever that chubby in the first place). I attribute it to her growing taller... but i guess i would like to see more fats on her cheeks too. She is still eating but her appetite has diminished a little. I think it is time to explore more recipes to whet her appetite abit. Now that she is past 10mths, i felt a lot more confident in letting her try different things like chunky veg and meat casseroles, or eating off our plate. She had tried some risotto and loved it. Think she is totally in love with cheese and other stronger tasting stuff... which meant porridge can be more tasteless in comparision, and hence less popular with her palate.

I wish i can bring her swimming though but the dumb indoor pool has been close for maintenance for the longest time. The last time we checked with the building manager, he said will be okie by Nov. Somehow we are not that hopeful and it is still pretty cold for the beach.

It's children's week here in Melb and there are some free activities going around. Am hoping to bring Avery to a Animal Fair where kids get to touch and feed farm animals down at Carlton tomorrow but the timing clashes with her nap time. Hmm...

The other day we went to a Baby and Kids Market and got some pre-loved stuff for Avery. Some clothings, a pair of shoes and toys. She is quite a happy camper with her pre-loved toy phone. Quite a good idea to get pre-loved toys since she get bored with stuff pretty fast at her age and most of the time, she will just whack and throw them about. So cheap toys are fantastic and i feel less less "kek sim" if she does spoil them. A friend of mine went and got a pre-loved stroller for only $50.. and its a really well maintained one too. So plenty of good deals at the market and i think we were all quite happy.

Recipe - 糯米饭

This may not make much sense but here it goes, for those interested. As in all of my recipes, pls view the measurements with a pinch of salt and just go with your guts, cos they are just rough estimation (i tend to just grab and pinch and pour).

糯米饭

Ingredients:
2 cups of glutinous rice (soaked for at least 2 hours)
2-3 shallots (chopped)
8-10 dried shitake mushrooms (soaked and cut into strips) - save the water
2/3 cup of dried shimps (soaked and drained)
100g of pork (with abit of fat on them, cut into strips) - amount varies and optional (depending on personal preference)

2 tsp Oil
2 tsp Salt
2-3 tbsp Dark soya sauce (I am using the sticky sweet type)

Steps:
1) Drained the glutinous rice and mix in the salt evenly (taste and adjust salt accordingly) then leave it aside

2) Fry the pork with a little oil till the fat is slightly crisp and done. Take out and leave aside.

3) With the remaining oil in the work, fry the shallots till fragrant and add the dried shrimps. Fried till you get the shrimpy aroma (i add in little bit of water to the sides the wok from time to time and cover for a bit).

4) Toss in the mushrooms and stir fry it till soft. Add in the dark soya sauce and abit more water to get a bit of the sauce going.

5) When the shrimp/mushroom/shallot mixture is cooked, stir in the glutinous rice in medium heat and add water till rice is covered. Stir continously till water is absorbed and rice start to become 'gooey'. This is the part where 'when you see it, you will know".

6) At this point, you can stir in the pork till well mixed so that the end result will get a nice porky taste (but also abit more oily) or you could scoop out the rice into a round pan and lay the pork on top of the rice. Steam the rice for 45mins.

7) Garnish with some spring onions and serve with ikan bilis/peanut with belachan on the side.

糯米飯 and my mom

Made this for a gathering tomorrow. Would have made it on the day itself except we will be busy the whole afternoon cos' one of my ex-colleague (now one of the SIA gals) smsed to say that she will be in town for a day tomorrow, and asked if we could catch up before she flew back to SG.

Making 糯米饭 was sort of an accidental thing. Wilkie has been clamouring for one of those tier-steamer thingy for the longest time becos he is adamant in perfecting his 鸡蛋糕, which he insist didn't "发" as well as it should due to the fact that steaming it in the wok just doesn't provide adequate space for it's 'growth'. Ah so we made a trip to Richmond yesterday, to one of those Chinese household goods store we had passed by before, and procured the necessary steamer so that my dear hubs can continue on his quest to his perfect 鸡蛋糕. But before he could do that, we were faced with the question of what to bring as a dish to the potluck gathering. I've decided on 糯米饭 becos' Wilkie bought a small pack of glutinous rice the other day, as a means to persuade me to get a steamer. You have to admire that devious mind of his becos' i did not want to have a steamer in the first place as i have no wish to be eating anymore 鸡蛋糕. But he knew i like glutinous rice and to convince me on the purchase, swayed me by saying that we can make glutinous rice too! Ahhh..... it is hard to deny a man his wish when his heart is set on 鸡蛋糕...

Anyway... i have a vague idea of how to make 糯米饭 after tasting the yummy creations of my mom's over the years. I tried sourcing other recipes online but nothing looked like what she did. So i called her and asked her for her recipe, and coupled with my vague memories, sought to recreate the same thing. This reminded me so much of my days studying in London which is when i started to cook properly for the first time, being far away from home (and those who do the cooking - i.e. mom and maid). I remembered i would try to make everything from what i've seen my mom/maid made before. The easy stuff isn't too difficult... i guess i DID pick up a thing or two just by being my mom's official tester (she seem to trust my taste bud more than anyone's in the family). But for the complicated stuff, i would brave the cost of an expensive overseas call to clarify with her on a few points of the recipes.

Actually, it is not easy trying to get a recipe out of my mom and -understand- it, if you have never watched her cook before. Becos' like me, she doesn't really bother with measurements. So what you get is alot of ...

"remember what i did with the meat? ya.. just add the sauce until you think enough... and then stir until done. Ah you know should know how it look like right?... don't forget to add the pork last... but if you can also add in before... the amount you see yourself la... you will know when you see it..."

There. No mention of the timing or the measurements of the ingredients/cordiments, and a jumble of the cooking sequences. So to get the full picture of the recipe, you have to either have seen the process before or ask very intelligent questions. But that said, my mom is what i would call an inituitive cook and a pretty darn good one. She cooks without reference to cookbooks or written recipes. Sure, she does watch cooking programs on and off but you will never find her replicating others'. She cooks from experience and adds her own flair to standard stuff (however, her Hakka heritage shows). She enjoys food/cooking and when the fancy strikes her, has the ability to replicate things she tasted from other restuarants/stalls. In recent years though, she has relegate the cooking responsibilities to her maids and played a much more supervisory role but if the you taste the standard of cooking her maids have, you will have to admit that they have a pretty formidable '师傅'. It is not a coincidence that the maid cooks a great deal better whenever my mom is back in town.

For all her idiosyncracies, her ability to whip up delicious food from scratch without a cookbook, is one which i had hoped i would inherit but i doubt it. What i did inherit though, was the inherent belief that my mom's way, my mom's taste, my mom's cooking processes are the best. Which is why sometimes i am insistent of how certain things should be cooked in the kitchen, becos' that's how my mom would do it.

When i was cooking the 糯米饭, i realized that i am really influenced by her in this aspect. I can actually -see- what she has told me and her, what must have been confusing to others, recipe made perfect sense. That's how it is... and it is these times when i felt closest to my mom even though she is thousands of miles away. I am sure i did not do everything exactly like she said but she has given me enough to let me go on my own, as in all things that she (and of cos' my dad) has given me. There never was a step-by-step manual... just a lot of gist, leaving you the room to figure out the missing bits on your own. You can always clarify but in the end, it's you at the stove and trust that 'you will know, when you see it'.

So how did my 糯米饭turned out? Well let's just say that, though there can always be improvements (and i am sure i will, with time), i don't think i will disappoint the woman who gave me my starting point.

Normality

Now that things are quiet again, Wilk and I spent the morning doing the chores we have neglected to do when his folks were here. It's amazing how much dust/dirt/hair etc we have accumulate over the last 8-9days even though i have been sweeping the floor almost daily when everyone is asleep (That's the only time when people/baby were not underfoot). It was so bad that by the end of the week, everytime Avery crawl on the floor, she was picking up dust balls on her clothing and needed to be dusted off each time we carried her.

The week went by quicker than i anticipated. I dont think i can make a good hostess.. at all. Perhaps i will do a better job if there was only 1 or 2 people visiting at a time. But with 3, i am just too caught up with the logistics (e.g. how to fit everyone plus baby into the car) and feeling claustrophobic with the additional people in the already small apartment. I am not by nature a very sociable person. I can deal with big crowds if i am just a passive 'participant' e.g. part of audience etc. But if i have to actively 'engage'... argh. Really... even weekly marketing in a crowded/noise market can send my stress level shooting up sky high because i have to managed the shopping list, 'force' my way through other shoppers and avoid kicking the shop attendants when they were shouting (cries akin to our 'lelong lelong'). The only way i cope is that i try to tune things/people out. Better yet, try to stand at the most 'isolated' corner of the whole situation. Wilkie thinks that it is funny... well, i don't. When he try to imitate their 'lelong-ing', i almost bit him.

Back to the last week...

It is actually wonderful that we have family visiting, especially for Avery but... still, i found it hard to cope with having more people than our little family in our little bit of space. Seems like the only bit of 'me' space is the chair infront of my laptop... and late at night when others are sleeping. Like i said.. if its only 1, i would have enjoyed the visit alot more. Well, even if its my own folks visiting, i also get into a similar sort of 'stress'... What more, with family, they also have a tendency to... try to 'improve' on what you are doing. Aside from being not very sociable, i also have a distinct independence streak in me (okie, self-centreness) that doesn't tolerate helpful suggestions (okie, interference) very well. Esp when the other parties start to take matters in their own hand. I am still sort of unsure about how i ought to feel... on one hand, i understand and am grateful for 'help', yet i cant help feeling like something is being encroached upon. All in all... aside feeling the claustrophobia, i am feeling a myriad of intense feelings come and go.

Hence it is with a sense of relief, tinge with apologies (for feeling the relief), that life has now gone back to my quiet piece of 'normality'. I think Wilk and Avery definitely enjoyed the visit. Especially Avery, with all the old folks doting on her and carrying her, she is feeling the 'loss' because suddenly she is all clingy and wanting to be carried now that we are back to just being us 3. Sigh... well, that's life. Have to take the good stuff with the bad i guess.

4th year (I think) Wedding Anniversary

My god.. i nearly forgot that today is our wedding anniversary. 09/09/09! (Hmm i did contemplate that we should get married on this date - today! - but then we didn't want to wait another 4 yrs :P).

Actually, can't really blame me.. with trying to sleep-train Avery.. stressing out about the in-laws visit (Argh.. where can i hide the pacifier?! What if Avery cries all the time?! What is she is STILL sick?!?) and her falling ill, i clear forgot that 4yrs ago, this day, me and wilkie got married in the far-flung corner of Spore - Raffles Marina Country Club. Until Wilk reminded me yesterday. hMmm. Me bad.

So what did we do today?

With one sick baby at home, what do you think we did?!

Well, good news is that Avery's fever subsided. But that was before the morning puke (when we fed her medicine), incessant crying in the afternoon, and super-duper super-glue clingy behaviour all day from the little one. I passed out about noon time because i was on night duty last nite (putting cool compress on the bub and adjusting it as she keeps pushing it off) and when i woke up, wilkie was passed out with a sleeping baby on his lap on the sofa. She had been fussing during her nap and refused to be alone. In the evening time, Wilk had to rush to Monash Uni for a postgrad talk while i tried to entertain little bub on my own. She did have a nap, which during that time i had to prepare something appetitising for her dinner because she didn't have much appetite to eat for the last day and half (made her cheesy mash potato/califlower which she liked).

Right on time, as she awoke from her nap (a good hr of so), Wilkie returned home with takeaway jap food from outside the Uni. 3 of us had dinner together and it was nice because the little bub started eating again and almost finished her bowl of mash. Then the 3 of us played "Whack Alfred" where all of us were sitting in a circle, with blanket on our feet and Alfred (Avery's Brobee soft toy) in the middle, each 'whacking' him with a tube of pop-beads. Wilk and I were pretty tickled but Avery was more interested to grab Alfred so that she could chew on his hair. Then another round of medication, which is always a two-men job. One to carry her and one to syringe her. The one carrying her (usually me) normally ends up being puked on but we were lucky that time. After which, it is wipe down, feeding time and putting her to bed.

By the time all that is done... its almost 10pm. And there is no way we can go out for dessert or walk or coffee or... well....

I know it sounds dreary but really, it is not. It is not that the day we got married wasn't worth celebrating but rather, 'celebrations' can take on so many forms and dimensions.

I think that Avery being ok is a celebration.
I think that having someone to count on when dealing with a sick baby is a celebration.
I think that someone cooking lunch for you and then buying take out so that you dont have to worry about cooking dinner while caring for a baby is a celebration.
I think that 3 of us being able to play together is a celebration.
I think that having a chance to watch and laugh at our own baby grow and do silly things is a celebration.
I think that not having the pressure to 'perform' and come up with some spectacular plan for wedding anniversary is a celebration.
I think that the ability to smile ruefully at each other when the little one pukes (for the 2nd time during medicine time) because we each know telepathically that there goes our plan to go out for a family meal, is a celebration.

I think time spent together, as a family, is a celebration.

So happy anniversary dear... :)

Sleeping discontinued... Sick alert.

Avery fell sick right after we embarked on sleep training.

A tiny part of me (and perhaps wilk) is questioning if her fever was brought on by her crying at night (incidentally, right after my last post, she didn't have any major crying, just a few whining cries and felt back asleep on her own.. hmmm). Of course rationally, we know that it's most likely she caught a bug or something. In any case, i hate it when she falls sick even though i know that in a way, its supposed to be good for her. I've read somewhere that its better for kids to fall sick before their first year.. helps to build up their immunity etc. Still... i hate it when it happens. It is quite miserable when she is all lethagic when feverish, and even when temp down, she wasn't as active as before (though she continued to play and 'talk'). At her worst, she would just want to cling to my shoulders and lie there, all 'zoned out'. So for the whole afternoon today she sat cuddled on my lap watching "Sound of Music" with me while i sang her to sleep, which she wouldn't have let me on a typical day.

Since birth, Avery has been pretty blessed in that she did not have much medical issues. Nothing like eczema, sinus, rash (not even diaper rash), cradle cap etc. Nothing that required especial attention anyway. While the old folks felt that she is a bit on the 'small' side, her developmental checks has shown her to be consistently on the 50th percentile on her weight (height had peaked at 75th percentile when she was 6mth). I can count the few times that she has been sick on the fingers of one hand. Her first was a stomach flu which had us scurrying to the A&E at midnight when her temp went up to 39degC. That was back in SG when going to the doc or paed is pretty much the SOP when kids get sick (just check out the lines at those 24hr clinics). But in Melb, that's a different story altogether. Firstly, i dont really see that many GPs here, and i don't think i've seen a 24hr clinic around (except the A&E at the hospitals). What we do have are plenty of pharmacies and each of them comes with at least 1 pharmacist in attendence (not like Guardian back in SG). Even if you were to go to a GP, you will still need to get your prescription at the pharmacy anyway. So i guess most people just head off to the pharmacy and get the pharmacist to recommend something, if they have common ailments.

More than one friend in Melb had also told us that GPs , most of the time, will not give medication to kids anyway, believing that kids will eventually fight off the bug and gain immunity without much medical intervention. Unlike in SG, almost no one i know has a Paed for their kids because GP is good enough and if its REALLY serious, they will then refer you to a specialist (paed). Makes newly arrived SG parents who asked for recommendations for Paeds looked a little bit KS and silly (like yours truly, guilty as charge).

With this fever, it is Avery's 2nd time being sick (fever from vaccination don't quite count since we were anticipating it). The other time was quite a nasty cold (continuous mucus for 1wk and mild fever). Wilk and I are a little bit more prepared mentally this time and did not go into the 'must find a doctor' mode. We just went about as most parents do here in Melb, give the bub doses of Nurofen when her temp hit 38.5degC and sponge her as much as we can when her fever spike. If what other parents advised are true, her fever should subside after 1-2 days. With no other symptoms, i doubt the docs will be able to come up with a diagnosis anyway, other than "looks like a viral fever". Still, we are monitoring and observing her dutifully, watching out for signs that may indicate more serious illnesses (H1N1??). In the meantime, it will just be a little more tiring on us to make sure that she is comfortable by alleviating her temp as much as possible through the night.

Looks like another night of duty for us... Sigh.

Sleeping woes

For a while i contemplated if i should write this here or over at Avery's blog. In the end decided here since she will probably never know the hell she puts me through with her sleeping.

Perhaps i am already considered quite lucky because Avery is pretty regular in her bedtime (9pm, give and take 1/2 hr) and waking-up time (9am, give and take 1/2 hr). She also has an established nap routine (twice a day, once after morning breakfast/shower, once in late afternoon after her snack). She has also started to go to bed when still awake (but drousy) instead of nursing to sleep. My main problem is that nowadays, during the night time, she would get up 3-4 times in the middle of the night, starting from 3am. She is not hungry (i tried feeding her but she nod off after a couple of minutes), not in pain, not hot, not cold.. not in anyway that i could described as 'distressed'. She just wanted to be carried. Patting her in her cot, saying 'shh-shh' (her sleeping cues which i used right from when she is an infant) did not help. She will only stop the moment i carried her in my arms. And if she is not in a deep sleep, i could not put her down because she would start wailing again.

I was at the end of my rope literally. The last couple of weeks once she start this, i could hardly get any good sleep. I would just about drop off into zzz land and there she would start. It was so bad that i started getting headaches and groggy in the day, and needed a nap myself (when she is napping). But i am not good with naps, i wake up even more groggy and my daytime hours are wasted when i could be catching up on my housework or other stuff. Her need to be cuddled in the middle of the night (a couple of times!) is seriously turning my life upside down. I've tried the No-cry sleep solution method but still the same. She was on a pacifier which did helped (she would cry but stop once the paci is in her mouth) but i think this is compounded the issue because she has outgrown her old paci and wouldnt take to the new one (its a different shape). Since i thought it may be a good idea then to just wean her off the paci, i did not try to get more pacifiers for her to 'try out'.

In the end, i let her cry it out last night. My energy was sapped and i was just plain unwilling to carry on the vicious cycle of waking up a few times a night just to carry her. Wilkie just mentioned the other day "May your words be like honey, because someday you may have to eat them". Well... i am eating them. I've said that i couldn't, wouldn't let Avery CIO because it is just plain cruel. Of course, she was much younger than when i said it but really, CIO method doesn't make me feel good AT ALL. I was just too tired to do anything else last night and Avery cried for 1hr before she gradually dropped off to sleep. It was a tough 1 hr as me and wilkie remained wide awake listening to her, wanting desperately to go and soothe her. And a couple of times i nearly did... only to stop myself right at her door because i know the minute i do pick her up, the last 20-30mins was an effort wasted and she would cry even HARDER if we ever try this again. Its like a road of no return that we have embarked on because turning back will just make the matter worse and i will be back living my zombie life again.

It was a long long LONG time (okie, 1 hr but felt damn long) before she cried herself to sleep but after that, she did not wake up again till 9am in the morning. She was all bright and sunny when she woke up, as if the previous night had not happened at all. The only discernable difference is that she napped longer than she had before (almost 2 1/2 hrs when usually she will sleep for 1 1/2hr or so).

So tonight is another night... do i still want to carry on with this method? My brain tells me that i have no choice but to continue this at least for 2-3days to ascertain if its working, if at all (by observing the duration of crying - should be decreasing). After all, as in all behaviour management techniques, a behaviour will always increase first before decreasing when the technique is first applied. If i stop the CIO method now, i wouldn't know if it will really work for her. However, my heart is telling me that the next few days will really hurt and i better brace myself for it (wilkie too) if i am really seriously considering to do this.

It is now 11.01pm. Since her bedtime at 9pm, she had started to cry after an hour and half or so. The first time, i breastfed her because she may not have drank sufficiently during her 9pm feed. But when she cried again at 10.50pm... i continued typing this blog and guess what? She stopped on her own after 10mins. I guess my plan, at least for tonight, is that i will continue to feed her at midnight but try to ignore any other crying till at least 6am. It's cold turkey time. *grim*

In whatever case, i really REALLY hope that we can get through this by next saturday because that's when my MIL and grandMIL are visiting. And i doubt they will like to hear Avery crying or being left to cry alone. Crossing fingers... pls baby.. do it for Mami okie? :P

Changes

Since arriving here in Melbourne nearly 3 months ago, my life has changed rather drastically. Like having to adapt to the wintery chills after years in a tropical country, to being a full time stay-at-home mom/housewife, a whole different universe from when i was working (and childless).

Some of the new things which i have to grapple with:

- Handling a growing child. This child, being my own, is vastly different from handling other people's children during my course of work. For one, i am responsible 24/7 as opposed to just 2-3hrs when the child is in school. It is a daily challenge to keep up with her growth and provide the necessary/appropriate food, stimulation etc. At work, as long as i continue to cater to the same demographic of students, my work can be pretty much the same but with Avery, i have to 'tailor' my stuff to grow with her, almost on a daily basis. It is a constant watching and adjusting that i have to do, on everything from the type of food she eats to the behaviour she displays.

- Trying to organize my time which revolves around baby, hubby and home. When working, there was at least a structure. Have to get to work by 8am. Leave work by 6pm. Lunch time is at 12. Same thing from monday to friday. Over here, everyday is like the weekend. It took me 2 months to get some form of structure in place... and even that, it was conform to fit into baby's meal/nap/play/sleep routines.

- Thinking (as opposed to worrying) about financial matters. True, that we have a stash of savings put aside for coming here but that, cannot last _forever_. So here i find myself watching every single penny going out for nothing is coming in (save the money held in various stocks/investment left in Spore - but in this economy... i just have to be thankful that i am not 'losing' more money instead). Previously, i wouldnt even blink an eye splurging on a thousand odd dollar bday gift for my brother (incidentally, a bally's briefcase for his first offer of job), now it is a treat if i get to buy bubble tea.

- Doing _real_ housework and cooking. I mean, as a daily thing, as oppose to doing it for 'fun' or on a whim. Sure, i did used to do them when i was young (when family was poor and parents were both working) but for the longest time, i had lived with domestic helper present in my home and didn't have to lift a finger to do any real housework/cooking (studying in London doesn't really count because i didn't have my own family then, and could pretty much make do with anything).

Sometimes, the changes are tough and i do find myself wondering what am i in for.. being with a child in a foreign country. There's so much learning and UNlearning to do. On the good days, it is all very exciting and interesting. On the not-so-good days, i wondered if i made the right choice in giving up everything familar to me for a life that i have now.

Well, guess we can only look ahead. :)

Cooking storm

Lately we have been pretty preoccupied with cooking (while the windy storm is progressing outside - not much places to go outdoors) as evident on my facebook photo page. We dont always take pictures of what we cook and eat because most time it is the normal stuff. We do when its something that require a little extra effort (or perhaps alot of extra effort).

At the moment, i am also toying with the concept of documenting adult food made out of 'necessity'. To be frank, i dont think i am a real cook per se. More like 'accidental' cook. The way i do groceries totally reflects this because i don't shop with a list. That is, i do not really plan what i want to make and then go get ingredients for it (only exception is food for baby but that's another story altogether). However, there are times when i will deliberate get one or two missing ingredients to make something because i already have the majority of the stuff at home. Most times, we will just get a bunch of generic stuff (meat, veggies, fruits) or whatever happens to be on sale at that time (most time it is mince meat of some sort). Then it is a case of "Hmm what can we make today" for the rest of the week. And believe me, it can get pretty challenging towards the later end of the week when supplies run low and you need to come up with something that involves 1 carrot, 2 tomatos, 200g of diced lamb, half a pack of tofu.

Challenging but fun and satisfying when the result turns out great (if it turned out so-so, well... at least our tummies are full). I guess it is a similar feeling for those contestants on MasterChef's invention test challenges. It is with these 'accidental dishes' that you can see the big difference between my culinary exposure vs wilkie's. I guess we ARE what we eat... After years of my mom's hakka cooking and watching cooking shows, I have a penchant for spices such as ginger, pepper, vinegary, salty savoury stuff, plus a hefty dose of 'Ang Moh' dishes. While Wilkie likes his black bean paste, curry powder, sichuan powder and dash of fish sauce, in what is what i can best describe as Asian dishes infused with 'wilkism' (mixture of hokkien, hainanese and god knows what influence).

This is also why it is not a great idea for the two of us to cook 'together'. After the first few 'clashes' where we counter questions each other's cooking processes, we decide it is best to decide who is the chef and who is the sous chef for the day. Works out great from then on. Wilk makes fantastic curries and enjoys making simple things that takes up alot of processing time. He conceded that my 'Ang Moh' dishes are better (i suspect my asian stuff, while edible, aren't really something to call home about) and i enjoy 'mixing & matching' the various ideas i have seen.

Still, there is always room for improvements but i doubt i will ever become a real cook. One case in point, while Wilkie is quite meticulously writing down all the recipes of stuff he made on his blog. I can hardly be bothered with mine. Mainly cos, i dont actually follows recipes.. it is the "see how it goes" and "i think i shd add this now" sort of thing. Aiya.. can eat can already la..

Mine or Baby's

The problem of keeping two blogs is that it gets really tiring trying to write and not 'overlap'. Hence i decided that Avery's blog shall just be everything from her POV but otherwise, i am just going to keep posting here. Who knows, when she is older, i will just hand over her blog to her and she can continue it.. (If i last that long that is).

Meal Planning for Avery

Since Avery started on solids, it has been quite an adventure trying to cook different things to increase her meal time options and expand her palate. But it is difficult to cook single portions each time so i've come up with a sort of system to provide her with a basic variety of meal options and maximizing time-efficiency. Not a perfect system but so far it is working out for me in terms ofproviding her with 3 square meals a day.

Preparing Stock - once a week
This is pretty easy because i will strain out about 4 portions of stock to freeze while preparing soup for our own meals. The best and easiest is the traditional ABC soup because i can also mash up some portions of the vegs in the soup for Avery at the same time.

Ingredients for ABC Soup - Chicken Bones (or breast meat - less oil, or whatever soup bones), 1 large onion, 1 large tomato, 2 potatos, 1 carrot (sometimes i add 1 corn cob as well). Be sure to wash the bones off with boiling water before adding into the pot of boiling water to reduce the scrum forming. I will set aside 3-4 portions of about 180-200ml for freezing. Additional, i've also freeze 1 portion of the soup (with various chunks of veggies)

Mass-Production of a Protein cum Veggie Mix (e.g. Beef/Veg Stew) - once a week
I will usually do it on the weekend and i will end up with about 5-6 baby cubes portion of this. It is easy to make and it can be done with any type of mince meat (lamb, chicken..). Similarly, the veggies can also vary depending on what i think Avery likes for the week. So far i have used, squash (butternut or pumpkin), sweet potato, corn (grated), potato, peas, carrot, small onion, broccoli. The consistent one is of course the mince and tomato, plus 2 other type of veg (i find that any more veg and it is a waste of ingredients because it will all end up tasting pretty much the same).

Recipe for Beef/Veg Stew (Squash & Corn)
1) Take 1 large tomato, cut a small cross at the top and cover it with boiling water for 30s. Then immediately put into cold water. Peel off the skin (that's what the cross cut is for). Cut and scoop out the seeds, then dice the flesh.

2) Chop finely (or small cubes) 1/4 small squash (peeled and deseeded). Grate 1 corn cob.

3) Heat 1 tsp of olive oil and saute 115 grams of lean mince beef till brown/crumbly (about 3-4mins). Add in the squash and tomato, saute it till veggie is all soft. Then add in 150ml of water or stock (i would use the one i've freezed) and bring it to a boil. Stir in the grated corn and then reduce heat and simmer for about 10-15mins.

When Avery was younger, i would puree the whole thing, adding some water if the mixture is too thick but nowadays, she can pretty much eat the soften veggie on her own. I just need to make sure that before i cook the mince, i minced it further on my own, chopping and mashing it with the back of my chopper.

Steam fish (salmon, grenadier etc) - once a week
I will try to let Avery have 1 or 2 portions of fish a week because omega 3 in oily fish are suppose to be good. A portion of fish, about 1 inch thick and 3-4 inches wide, can be split into 2-3 baby cubes. Just steam with 2 slice of ginger, a touch of pepper (optional). I tend to freeze them before flaking. When reheating, i will add a bit of water before reheating because fish tends to dry out.

Steam and mash Veg/Fruit - once a week
Can do 2-3 different type of veggie and fruits at the same time. Like pears, apples etc. I will usually make enough to fill 3-4 baby cubes. Or else it is handy to have fruits that does not need to be steam around the kitchen (e.g. papaya, honeydue)

Porridge - 3 times a week
I do not freeze porridge so what's cook on the day will be used for lunch and dinner. I will soak the rice the night before and before cooking it, i rub the rice to break it down further. The porridge can be boiled with water and a few pieces of dried scallops (soaked in hot water first for 15mins). But i will add a portion of the stock in (top up with water to required amount) without the scallops most of the time (unless i have no more stock at hand). In the porridge, i will add in veggies like spinach, broccoli, carrot, potato, sweet potato etc. For the hardier veg like potato, carrot, sweet potato and broccoli, i will add in when the porridge first come to a boil, but for spinach, i will add in before i serve. The trick to cooking porridge without it sticking to the pot is NOT to stir it anytime it is being boiled. Once the porridge comes to a boil, reduce the heat and continue to boil for another 15-20mins. Once the porridge is almost done, switch off the gas, cover the lid and leave it for another 15mins. When it is time for Avery's lunch, i will turn on the gas and then stir, mashing up the veggie as i go along, to the suitable texture.

So how does it all work out?
Breakfast is usually instant cereal with a portion of fruit (e.g. banana is always handy or just some steam apples).

Lunch/Dinner.. It is matter of mixing and matching really.
Some ideas:
- The portions of stock can be used for porridge and cooking stews.

- The portion of soup (with veg) can be reheated, once done, add 1 tsp of couscous and leave to stand for 2-3mins (or run it thru the microwave at low heat for 2mins).

- Beef stew can be served with porridge, instant cereals, baby pasta (just cook the pasta and stir in the reheated stew) or with mash potato. Grate on some hard cheese (e.g. cheddar) and it will be yummy.

- For porridge, either add in one type of mince meat (pork or chicken) or if plain, stir in fish flakes or even the beef stew. If Avery is having one portion of protein for lunch, then she will have the plainer veg porridge with one portion of fruits for dinner.

- I always have some avocado lying around my kitchen as an additional 'dish' to add to her lunch or dinner because she loves them so much. Otherwise, lunch or dinner gets an additional mash veg or steam fruit.

So there we go... enough food to go around. On and off when i do run short, there are also emergency jar food to add on for variety sake. I have fruit custard which are great to add in her cereals for breakfast or tea. And now i am trying yogurt and cheese cubes for snacks, on top of her rusk biscuits. Actually, before Wilk and i started our 'cooking blitz', i would say Avery is the one having the best meals in the family everyday!

Choices

In the last week, my dear hubs made a few difficult choices which i truly appreciated how difficult it must have been for him.

I think we all need to make such choices in some point in time of our lives, one that will possibly determine who we are and who we will be in the future. Sometimes the choices may be as simple as crossing a stream while others, it is like taking that leap across the mighty canyon.

I know he feels that he owes alot of people (including me) alot of explanation but i think it is really unnecessary because he is who he is and he should always try to live his life for himself first and foremost, than any others. As long as his choices makes him feel fulfil and happy, Avery and I will feel the same. That's what family is all about right?

I wish i can help him more but i guess certain things can only be decided by oneself. The only issue with this is that sometimes people perceived that his decisions were somewhat because of me... and well, thats another story altogether and not one i am quite happy to go into. In any case, as long as he is doing what he feels passionate about, i am happy to stand beside him. There is really no reason why he feels the need to justify his decisions to others in my opinion. But i know its tough for someone who cares so much about what people close to him feels and think. Don't know what else i can say except... i believe in you... it will be alright. :)

People with clean asses

There are those people who have really clean asses. No matter how much shit they pooped (pardon the rather gross analogy) but they always come out smelling like roses.

Me? I get shit on my shoes even when i am waving my pompoms at the other end of the stadium from the toilet.

See... some people are just born into that type of life while others, like me, tread in poo even when trying to avoid it.

What gives?

Defensive offensive

In any games, i would usually prefer to play offensive than defensive. I am the type that rather 'do' than 'wait' you see... Its usually 'attack first, talk later'. Sure, sometimes you might get your head bashed in but i'd rather like to go down in flames of glory than cower behind castle walls. Guess, it is no wonder that i get my head bashed in more often than not... since some will argue, i don't fight smart.

Of life and love and everything else in between...

As my good friend, Twerp, used to say: "Eye god eh lanning node" *sniff* My first pressie from baby...

Life is melbourne is best described as a slice of quiet, sandwiched by bustling mummy-dom. It is time and energy consuming to say the least. That slice of quiet is slowly becoming thinner and thinner as baby gets older and more active. Boy, am i glad that she is still napping regularly and bedtime has been regulated (9pm and the little one starts to zone out, yay!). The initial euphoria (or was it hysteria, or fear? Hmmm can't remember now. Think pregnancy amnesia has not abated) has dissipated and now i am truly facing the grind of the daily melbournean(?) life. With the wintery gales blowing outside and baby's cold, baby and i are pretty much stuck at home while wilk goes to school. I dress sloppily, hair all messed up and has my shirt pretty much covered in baby drool and mucous (so no point getting all dressed up in the first place right?). The day is spent according to baby's routine of feeding, bathing, cleaning, playing and sleeping. I try to fit in some personal time when she goes to zz-zz land for some quality "Me" time but usually, those periods are spent completing housework or vegging out infront of my computer, with the TV doing running commentary of whatever show they have on (sometimes it can be something engaging like a nice documentary, then i am in luck).

That's life in short. Simple, quiet and minimal fuss. I know i ought to start doing 'more' (hmmm.. baking??) but for now, i am quite contented to just sort of 'drift' awhile. Quite a drastic change from my daily fire-fighting (email lambasting) days of yore, at work. I do miss the adult interactions, esp my buddies from work etc but i get my dose of it from FB, twitter, MSN daily on cyberspace. If i really want to see anyone, there's also skype but i try not to (see the above regarding 'sloppy'). Actually, now that i am not working and being busy outside of the house, i actually get to chat with more people that falls outside my usual zone of interaction (workplace), which is not too bad as well.

Seriously though... the only thing i really sort of 'miss' is perhaps the financial independence i've had while i was working. Not that i earned a lot (people in the voluntary welfare sector can attest to that) but since i am not an extravagent spender (mostly meals and movies), i do get by quite well with my modest disposable income every month. And when baby comes along, i delighted in scouring through various buying sprees organized on forums for things that might be useful or nice for her (playmat, baby cream etc). But i will be more hesitant to indulge in that now. Actually, i didnt miss the money much when we got here. Sure, we are both not working but we have set aside a fair amount of money (ok, enough la) for our lives here, at least to cover us for 2-3yrs (if we are careful with it). And with my virtually non-existent personal spending habit (serious! Ask wilk!), i didnt feel much of the pinch when the income stopped coming in.

BUT.. and this is a big BUT, i did feel that sour, bitter feeling of not having the option of spending money as i please (as and when i like) when i find having to stop myself from several purchases, which i otherwise would have made if i am still working, for baby. Toys that she might have liked (or not, but it doesn't matter), clothings, furnitures, cutesy bedlinen (they cost a fortune!) etc. I have weight each purchases against our budget, the necessity of the item and look for cheaper alternatives. So, while we are by no means poor and i am pretty comfortable personally, sometimes it made me uncomfortable and sometimes a bit sad to think that perhaps that we may not be able to provide the best in everything for the baby. But then, at the end of the day, i just have to remind myself that not all things that are worthwhile and good, can be equated to a price tag. Baby still get her fair share of toys and clothings, just that we buy them from sales and i am most grateful when friends/family send gifts or gift cards.

Initially, there is that tiny grain of 'pride' that makes me wonder if i am receiving 'charity' because of our circumstances but then, i am not ashamed of where we are now because it is a conscientious choice we've made which we had prepared ourselves for. Well-meaning gifts from friends and family shouldn't be seen as charity. I always think that people will pity you, only if you pity yourself. So while its true that baby may not have tons of toys and pretty clothes, but i don't think she will grow to think that she has less than her peers because i certainly don't think that she has less. Hey, like my brother said, its 'character-building'! Well, i truly hope that then she will be gifted with a good character, a strong spirit and a loving heart above all else.

Domestic goddess? Moi?

Here in my new life... i imagined a simple life filled with baby, husband, housework, cooking and... well... everything else in between. The other women i've met or know of here, are what i would simply describe as "domestic goddesses" (even if they themselves don't think they are). They cook, they bake, they quilt, they plant, they sow, they harvest, they do housework, they take care of children and still managed to look fantastic. The blogs i read are filled with recipes... arts and crafts... gardening tips... tips for caring of children... with happy pictures of happy family.

I think i have a lot to live up to...
and i worry that i am probably going to fail rather miserably.

Do i like to bake?
Do i like to cook?
Well.. i guess i do like to eat...

Do i like to quilt? Make crafts? Garden?
Hmmmmm.....

Do i like taking care of kids?
It used to be my job.

Do i like doing housework?
It will take a rare individual who actually enjoys housework but it does bug me if things are messy. Still.. i can close one eye or two...

I think people who look at me leaving my respected job as a psychologist, leaving my comfortable life with a domestic helper, for a place like Melbourne with my family and 6 pieces of luggage must think that i am all set to be a stay-at-home-mom cum domestic 'divinity' (perhaps goddess is just abit too much). Here's the dips... i have no freaking clue. So far, i am just making it up as i go along. I doubt i will quilt or garden (wilk seems interested). I may cook or bake occasionally but i wont be surprise if my buns come out rock hard. Wilk will probably still find my cooking a little 'off' compared to what he would like. As for housework.. i think the one eye/two eye close policy will probably still stand.

I wouldn't be a psychologist to my baby but just another average mom... making do with commercial cereals or throw everything into the pot meal if i'm feeling lazy or spent too much time online playing bejewelled blitz on facebook. I will play with her but i will also feel harrassed enough to leave her on her own while i struggle to complete the housework or cooking. Wilk will probably not find me a better 'wife' compared to our lives in Spore cos i am still going around in my tattered t-shirts and grumbling at him whenever he fuss with the garden or take too much time in the kitchen or computer. We will still go out as a family... but probably not as often as we thought we would. At least not till baby is older.

So... a domestic life yes. If you can call it that. But like everyone else... we are just surviving and learning that happiness is in the little things, in everyday non-perfect lives, with what we have. Goddess? I think i am just human.. and it's enough for me... for now.